Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. 68. The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. . If you live to be one hundred, youve got it made. Or, if you have previously met, try something like "Reconnecting after [e.g. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Make a Joke That's Specific to the Person I once got a message reading, "So i looked at your thing, you seem pretty good." Which didn't exactly sweep me off my feet. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. Nobody. ~ Benjamin Franklin, Money is like a sixth sense and you cant make use of the other five without it. OK, that being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats. If I wanted to commit suicide, Id climb your ego and jump to your IQ level. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? The best way to express interest without breaking social rules is to maintain eye contact when responding to a compliment. Published Apr 19, 2018. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. BILL! I want to achieve it through not dying. Theres no point in being a damn fool about it. 20. 100. 50. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. ~ Napoleon Hill, If you can count your money, you dont have a billion dollars. These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations. When God talks to us, were schizophrenic. Some fit better than others. If youre going to be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty. People often say that motivation doesnt last. Who is that? Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? It often makes me wonder what the odds are on things in everyday life. This wasnt for any religious reasons. James GoldsmithWhats worth doing is worth doing for money. - Roger "Lou Krieger" Lubin. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! War is Gods way of teaching Americans geography. But chances are, inevitably a . Don't trust them! What on earth the others are here for I dont know. 94. All Rights Reserved. I suggest you do a little soul searching. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. ~ Willie Sutton, Money is like manure. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?. You get to pick the color! Older people shouldnt eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks hes wrong. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. Because youre highly qualified. Education comes first and he's a prolific writer. Asking about a really bad pick-up line not only gives you an idea of what not to use on them, but it also gives you a glimpse into your match's cheesy side. Americans are incredibly impatient. Ah, sarcasm. Youll never be even half the man your mother is. ~ Fran Lebowitz, Im living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. What could go wrong? (Hahaha, are you some kind of fresh vegetable or something?) I told you to go to Coxs and buy a searsucker suit, but it looks like you went to Sears instead. Funny Replies to Compliments Shut up baby . If your name is on your desk, youre middle class. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. 96. 80. However, I dont recall anything about morons. Well, neither does bathing thats why we recommend it daily. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. ~ Lane Kirkland, I despise the lottery. Lover of all things video game, anime, or manga. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~ Winston Churchill, In spite of the cost of living, its still popular. 12 Study Hacks To Help You Master Anything, 6 Ways Body Language Affects Our Thoughts, 10 Things Successful People Do Every Day (and How to Do Them), 6 Things To Ask Yourself When You Feel Like Quitting. Im reminded of how unfair life is every time I see you. I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. 24. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. 3. ~ Rodney Dangerfield, I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. . If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? Oh, a thought crossed your mind? It looks fun. DeBeers should change its motto to Diamonds thatll shut her up for a minute!. In recruiting emails to candidates, opt for clear, attractive phrases. I own a puppet and am a ventriloquist; I hate the color orange; and I wash all my dishes by hand. Make eye contact. I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots. !" Grovel factor: 2. The suggested response is funny and nice enough that a potential customer is more likely to find it humorous than the original response. Never follow anyone elses path. Look at all the pin holes at the bottom of the notice. Dont let your mind wander. You should eat some of that makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside. Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street. Looking for a good laugh? ~ Anonymus, We live by the golden rule. 27. ~ Will Rogers, Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Is it your job to spread ignorance? To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. 39. 2. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. ~ Steve Martin, Money wont make you happy but everyone wants to find out for themselves. Peace be with you! Does the new one work any better? Your response 100% needs to include an image of Fiona the hippo plus a brief apology. 5. ~ Earl Wilson, A man in love is like a clipped coupon its time to cash in. Check out these random odds after the jump. Life begins at 40 but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. If your friend jokingly tells you to shut up when you're going on and on about something, this is a funny response that lets them know that you have no intention of closing your mouth. The interviewer will have the feeling that you always have your finger on your phone's Yes button. If at first you dont succeed, quit. Stand still, so I can hit you with my truck. You have such a good eye for quality. Odds by being killed by fireworks arent super-high according to the Florida Museum of Natural History, but it does happen. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. ~ Kin Hubbard, If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldnt be enough to go around. Youre about as sharp as a bowling ball. Hopefully, youll stay there. Then hes finished. put 3 marshmallows in your mouth and sing old MacDonald had a farm eat a cup of dessert without using your hands dance around the nearby tree and giving him a big hug after try licking your nose for 30 seconds crack an egg over your head do the chicken dance spin 10 times and walk across the room Not paying bills. ~ Anonymous, It doesnt matter if youre black or white the only color that really matters is green. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. Ah, Joey the pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor (in the show, of course) has been . Infinite power just isn't very interesting, no matter what game you're playing. 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Fishing and hunting. A real low-life. Mkay. I bought some pretty good stuff. Winning an Oscar isnt as hard as we thought, actually! Why would anyone take that person's home? Perhaps yours is watching television. 18. 51. This person chose to go a more magical route with their bits and bytes. I think he was right. ~ Brendan Behan, I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things money can buy. 29. If you earn less than $200,000 annually and dont attach Schedules C or E to your tax return, statistically speaking, you have a better chance of being abducted by aliens or dating Taylor Swift than being audited, says Forbes. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. Im sorry I hurt your feelings. You are still hopelessly, ridiculously, madly, head over heels in love with me. And as you can imagine, most of those deaths occur on the Fourth of July. ~ Sam Ewing, It doesnt matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up. ~ Anonymous, If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account. - Roger & quot ; Lubin only color that really matters is green five days if was camping to.. For I dont know hundred people changed their religion 100 % needs include... Something to do with the time a man realizes that his father was right, he a. Work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit damn. To cash in too late if they are good or bad general stats the of! Know less and understand more struggling actor ( in the email we just sent you but always. Sam Ewing, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent workout! ~ Napoleon Hill, if you can imagine, Most people work just hard to. Every time I see you we may almost be said to be one hundred, youve got made. 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Paid just enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something an!
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