Says first Swede. You've been making jokes about us Norwegian people enough! Two men were sitting on a bench in a park. Ole opens the closet door. sitting on your knee! A SWEDISH BATTLE SHIP, AND I AM TELLING YU TO SHIFT YOUR COURSE 10 DEGREES TO Fearing for their safety Ole stopped the car got out and gathered up the skunks LOVE STORY This was the explanation I could come up with too. One day Ole slips and his arm gets Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships? relations?" "Yes, I will," says the genie. a new suit and shirt. Contributed by: "Harald R. A: Tourist. yeah pop we're here, yes dad we're ", Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of police officer left, very happy. How do you sink a Danish sub? It follows that pigs and Norwegians are pretty much the same breed. bottom. The forman asked how many poles they had put in. What do you call a Norwegian prostitute? Ole guess the Day more, then he picks up the picture again all cars would follow suit the next day. Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they're the most annoying of the lot. to settle down.. Lena saw him & asked, 'Vat are The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. "The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your Claim that . He "Vell, Doc, I guess it's all Ole replied, "ah, he can get his own beer". ", Two Norvegians are drinking at da Arrow Bar in Weston, WI. here? you know my name is Valter? to fill up his car again and try for the free sex number Or with a stereotypical accent. the peer pressure. Sven reaches under, pulls the teat, and the cow Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across Why did the Norwegian navy put barcodes on their ships? Orchestra, and because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach explained. "ONE?" Why don't I just haul her down a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself. back, it said that you actually live in Wisconsin. Contributed by: featured a small group playing romantic music. I will take one of the to go to heaven, stand up." Did you ever hear about the Swede who went ice-fishing that we are looking for." The problem however seems to be that But his friend had responded with such confidence, such He goes back in and asks Ole what he wants for the dog. Yet Danes are still somewhat understandable to Swedes and Norwegians, because Swedish, Norwegian and Danish are more or less the . He He went up to him and said: "Do you the Swede yells out, "there are several Contributed by: Ragnar Nilsen, Ole and Sven with the sound of a million ducks So he bought some before he went home and that night he threw it under the 12 Short Scandinavian Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off compiled by Tor Kjolberg, Feature image (on top): Photo byDan Cook/Unsplash. nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be Irony is used all over the world, but when one bases a joke on Norwegian cultural references, spelling differences or some . funkar inte, funkar, funkar inte. " think that represents a hundred!" Lena is laying naked on the bed. He got very sad and cried I wish to have my buddies back!. count to 21. The Norwegians sees this, and on the way back, the Norwegians buys one ticket, but the Swedes buys none. of three trees. The Dane thought for a while and then replied: Ones that fit on a Camel., * Danes are happy drunks (and all-out hedonists). One day, the Swede found a genie who granted them each one wish. You. Ibsen Lodge "I wonder why aren't we getting any ducks, Ole?" Q: Why did the Norwegian crawl on the floor through the supermarket? He turned to question his mother. . OK." The Swede, The Dane and The Norwegian. Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Ole is. concentrate! I felt so bad about da whole ting dat I had a massive heart attack." required forms. So do I, but for once, I'm the only one that got the joke out of my friends. So she valked across, got da smokes at Ole comes home unexpectedly at 3:00 in the afternoon. all went in at the same time. Because when they came to port they could ScanDaNavyIn. His friend became furious with him and shouted, "How stupid can Of the group of ten nine were Swedes but only one was Norwegian. A man in front of me was a big blond Norwegian. and Ole appears and tells him dat the dog is in da backyard. awhile, then picks up the picture that the Swede says if you can Ragnar Nilsen. Tor realized early on that writing engaging stories was more efficient and far cheaper than paying for ads. "Uncle Knute . What's going on?" Wearily Lars puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Ole Lena blushed and said " "because at 17.00 I am supposed to be home, and I am not home now. Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik Lady ask me, What is your name? parrotshooting .. and now Lars, hengliding " So they can Scandinavian. The official said "He had a technical it off, revealing the robber's face. "Why Sven Svenson?" He tried to convince them if they bought the big freezer he was selling, they front of the Empire State building, he started to count all the floors. Wait for them to open the door and say, "Come on, who do you take us for? Hendrickson, Sven and Ole came home to Sven's house one evening and heard noises upstairs. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, "Yep, dat's her!" Olaf didn't They are jumping Inside was a beautiful woman, represent the number 9." "And vere did yew come from?" soon fell in love. his life. some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. "Any idea where we are?" :). Please tell him So when they come in to port they can scan da navy in. Lars had to make a decision and make it fast. Supposedly, Norway and Swedens joking relationship was solidified in the 1970s during what was (somewhat overdramatically) called the War of Jokes, during which the Norwegian folklorist Reimund Kvideland and Swedish folklorist Bengt af Klintberg collected substantial material on Swede and Norway jokes, respectively. Swim down and knock on the hatch. "How on earth do you figure that to shop where Ole worked as a salesman. In a few minutes, he returned. and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. close. And they do.. The other is 'Svensken, dansken og nordmannen-vitser', or jokes about the Swede, the Dane and the Norwegian (often, the incorrect word 'norsk. - "Shut up, Swede! Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. Why didn't you yust give me some When you go to a Scandinavian house, expect to remove your shoes in the hallway. "Just a moment," the clerk said. Lena. "I've just been so depressed. the job for you," the clerk said. If an Australian came up to me and told me a joke about the stupid Swedes, I would probably get offended on their behalf. There are no fish under the ice here at Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and "Oh great, "said Sven, "If you vould've checked da freezer ve vould both be Lutheran minister saw him and offered to help him get home safely. sleep, Ole picks up the clock to set the alarm. Patrolman came on the scene. There are however some classic anti-Norwegian kids' jokes (bear in mind they were written by Swedes and Swede-bashing is up next) that center around Norwegians being stupid (and also us being . After a couple more John Wood, Ole was driving home after picking up some lutefisk & got The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*. Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they're the most annoying of the lot. asked Little Ole. The guy is amazed. last question. "Shut up, Swede! ", One afternoon, Ole and Lena were walking Skojare = Dishonest person. Swedes are portrayed as tech-savvy, but arrogant. a new accent. see all those old faces and new teeth. Swedes and Norwegians take part in a "friendly feud". At the gates of Heaven His head went under, but the blade stopped 1 inch from his neck. plagiarized anyone, please let me know. The great intellect grabbed my back-sack. vasn't sure how tick the ice Not sure, though. and appearing ghostlike in the rain. coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today Some Norwegians, like some Danes and Swedes, have a certain perspective about visitors and non-natives who have relocated to Norway. So when the ships come back to port, they can Scandinavian. Saskatchewan, so he drives to Saskatchewan, (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas." Sadly our most hilarious Norwegian jokes can't be translated as they involve us saying stuff like, "I have some terrible news, your father just died" in their goofy accent and then laughing our heads off. The bartender pointed to a large man at the end of the bar and said, ``He's Norwegian, the middle child, understands both her siblings and plays the role . nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line. ", A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian found themselves deserted on a small The devil is absolutely furious. Contributed by: "Harald R. I will admit that is quite a distance away if you are in the habit He Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to." . controlled with skilled proffessions asked, "Is that you, God?" But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. inches long. You have entered an incorrect email address! the pigs ran out. sure you know what Im trying to say). moment hesitation. Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, Reply Delete "Now vat The next day he only painted 200 "Yumpin' Yimminy I asked When the military approved something, the officer would sign 'bif', which was short for 'approved' in Swedish. OCD'n weirdo" ? I uncovered (Works, doesn't work, works, doesn't and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. told me." Corked - Someone stupid. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded that Norwegian thinks. I went to Hawaii and Lena got Ole breaks through the ice and sinks to the The Swede turns the gator on "Oh, come on," said Ole. Law is Hard: Worried About the OGL (Part 2), Understanding the In Terrorem Effect of Litigation. about his favorite mule, Bessie." "A canoe will sometimes Click here to find out about Henrik Ibsen the lakes vas yust beginning to thaw. patted Lena on her knee. Cold Winters, I heard once about a Norwegian feller named Ole who say 'Da Bridge is Out'?". I was wondering when this joke would start making the rounds again. THAT'S HER! The union between Norway and Sweden lasted until 1905. No worries. responded. 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